I told myself I’d never succumb to this, yet here we are…
I love fantasy football. I’ve always fancied myself as having the greatest and vastest footballing knowledge in all the lands, and fantasy football is the perfect scene to prove that to my inferiors. My ego was rather dashed last year when I finished fifth of eight in my family FPL league, below my younger brother and non-football watching aunt. But in the spirit of hope, I’m going to proceed as if I have a shred of authority on the topic and propound the logic behind each of the selections in my UEFA Gaming 2021/22 Champions League Fantasy football team.
GK — Edouard Mendy [SEN], Chelsea, €6 million
Mendy is the most selected keeper on the app, and there’s good reason for that. 18 clean sheets in 34 Premier League matches and dominance in the Champions League that helped his team win the competition last year — leading to him being named UEFA Champions League Goalkeeper of the Season — Mendy has elevated himself from relative obscurity to being one of the consensus best goalkeepers in the world.
Chelsea have Malmö, Zenit and an ailing Juventus, who barely qualified for this year’s competition, and still licking their wounds from losing Cristiano Ronaldo. I expect Chelsea to keep at least three clean sheets, and for Mendy to lap up the points.
Random but I noticed that Donnarumma was really highly selected — I don’t know if people are aware but he hasn’t started a single game for PSG since signing, they are still playing Keylor Navas. A very unwise selection.
DEF — Joshua Kimmich [GER], Bayern München, €6.5 million
Kimmich doesn’t really score goals, however he does get assists: 10 last year and 2 in 3 games already this year. Defenders get more points for assists than midfielders and strikers so I think I’ve exploited the dubious decision to list him as a defender here, given that he really plays as a midfielder most of the time. I’m guaranteed to get clean sheet bonuses for a Bayern defender as well, so all is good.
DEF — Rúben Dias [POR], Manchester City, €6 million
Dias is a permanent fixture in all of my fantasy teams. Due to ‘Pep Roulette’ (the idea that any given defender could be axed at any time in the name of squad rotation), he is really the only viable Man City defender you can get in fantasy. City’s defence has looked solid so far so I’m hoping to pick up a lot of points through clean sheet bonuses here.
DEF — Éder Militão [BRA], Real Madrid, €5 million
As you can probably tell, my strategy in defence was to risk spread by picking one player from the top tier teams. At least one of them is surely going to get a clean sheet. Militão is a guaranteed starter at centre-back for Madrid following the departures of perennial pairing Sergio Ramos and Varane this past summer.
DEF — Diego Carlos [BRA], Sevilla, €4.5 million
Probably the pick I’m least happy with. I know that he plays every game so he’s guaranteed those 2 points at least, but to be honest I had to save money and compromise and quality somewhere and this was the spot. However, Sevilla probably have the easiest group in the whole draw, with Lille (who are now awful for some reason having won Ligue Un last year), Wolfsburg and RB Salzburg.
MID — Ferran Torres [ESP], Manchester City, €7.5 million
Ferran is massively under-appreciated. 5 goals in 11 matches for Spain recently, and 2 goals and an assist in 3 games so far this year. This might just be the year when he breaks out on the international stage, and I’m confident he will shine in that Man City attack in the absence of Sergio Agüero. He plays on the frontline, so once again it’s me taking advantage of poor positional assignment from UEFA.
I noticed that N’Golo Kanté was one of the most highly selected midfielders, which of course makes no sense. Kanté is a great player but a terrible fantasy asset, he doesn’t score goals or get assists (0 and 2 respectively last season) and only occasionally picks up a solitary clean sheet bonus point. I started to wonder whether these people have ever played fantasy before.
MID — Federico Chiesa [ITA], Juventus, €9 million
Chiesa is now Juventus’ star man following the departure of Cristiano Ronaldo. He showed the world during the Euros that he is a serious attacking threat and the fact that Juventus declared him not for sale over the summer shows just how highly he is rated now as their prized possession. I thought he was a bargain.
MID — Mohamed Salah [EGY], Liverpool, €10.5 million
Salah was the very first player I picked. He’s just a no-brainer. Liverpool’s goal machine, 6 goals in 10 UCL matches last year, and he’s not even the most expensive player in the game. I heed my advice from fantasy football prophet Magnus Carlsen here, who once said (I don’t remember where, I think a podcast on YouTube) that he always has Mo Salah in his fantasy team. If he’s good enough for the world chess champion, he’s good enough for me. I’m also biased because I’m a Liverpool fan, but there you go. Note that all three of my so-called ‘midfielders’ are all really attackers.
ATT — Joaquín Correa [ARG], Inter, €7 million
Brought in to replace Lukaku last minute as Inter’s talisman, I see big things for him this year. I remember watching him play for Sevilla against Liverpool years ago and being blown away by his attacking talent — we just couldn’t keep up with him. I was always surprised that he never found his way to a top club as there’s no doubt he has the talent to be there. He confirmed my suspicions with two late goals to beat Verona on his Inter debut.
ATT — Olivier Giroud [FRA], AC Milan, €7 million
Giroud is criminally underrated, and by no means finished. A serial goalscorer who has already mounted a charge towards the Serie A Golden Boot currently held by Ronaldo. He’ll be Milan’s main man this year and I’m confident he’ll deliver the goods and bring home some points. At €7 million he’s definitely worth the risk, especially considering he was the joint third top scorer in the UCL last season with 6 goals.
ATT — Erling Braut Haaland [NOR], Borussia Dortmund, €11 million
As a general rule, I limit myself to two big name purchases on fantasy. The first was Salah, the second I debated between Haaland, Lewandowski and Benzema, before deciding on Haaland. Haaland notched up 10 (ten) goals last year on his way to the UCL Golden Boot; his ascension to world domination is not a matter of if but when, and I believe this is the year he will really rise above the competition with his elite goalscoring ability. He’s just a monster in front of goal, even in his physical movements, they’re just not like other players. I think it’s a gamble to go with him and Lewandowski would probably have been the safer choice, but I’m going with youth, power and promise.
Substitutes
My strategy was basically to go all out on the starting eleven and hope that none of them get injured, because the bench is made of the cheapest possible players at their positions.
GK — Caoimhin Kelleher [IRE], Liverpool, €4.0 million
Really only picked him because he plays for Liverpool. He won’t play. No starting GK is available for 4.0 million.
DEF — Nuno Mendes [POR], Paris Saint-Germain, €4.5 million
Aside from the fact that I chose him principally because he became a meme over the summer due to FC Wonderkid’s native pronunciation of his name, I actually do think that as the season progresses he might get a look-in at left back over Abdou Diallo in this PSG team. Mendes is a fierce young talent and I expect big things from him in the future.
CM — Tiémoué Bakayoko [FRA], AC Milan, €4.5 million
Recognised his name amongst a bunch of unknowns at the cheapest price for midfielders. He’s just a filler, but there’s a decent chance he’ll play and pick up a few points so I’m quite happy with this pick.
CM — Oscar Lewicki [SWE], Malmö FF, €4.5 million
Literally never heard of this guy in my life, I went for him because he was one of the most highly selected players at €4.5 million and you have to have five midfielders. Probably a mistake given the other players who are highly selected but even if it is, it’ll be utterly inconsequential because he’s never going to start.
Overall, my expectations are not high. In fact, I’m not even entered in any leagues so I’m not sure my point(s?) will even count for anything. It’s all a bit of a laugh though.
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Thanks for reading!
